At 11:30
today, I was sitting in a packed cultural hall at the Logan LDS Institute,
waiting for Al Fox Carraway to speak. A blank notebook sat on my lap and my
eyes were riveted on the pulpit. I'd been waiting weeks to hear her, and
I didn't know if I could wait much longer.
As she
stood up and began to talk with us, I began to write, feeling little tidbits of
inspiration just flow through me. I was absorbed and engaged and really
enjoying myself, when suddenly, from seemingly out of nowhere, a thought
slammed into my mind.
You're
living the Gospel wrong.
What. I
mean, really. What?
I'm not
perfect, but I'm not breaking commandments with reckless abandon, I thought.
I'm not rebelling against authority, skipping church every week, or treating my
covenants lackadaisically, I thought. Really, I'm doing quite well. I thought.
But as I
watched Al on the stage, watched the way her eyes lit up and her hands moved
and her body bounced up and down on her heels, I realized what I was missing,
what I was failing to do. It wasn't something overwhelming, it wasn't something
that jeopardizes my worthiness, but it was something I've stopped doing
consciously for awhile now. Something meaningful.
I've
been living the Gospel wrong by not loving it and being excited about it
every. Single. Day. And today I learned that Heavenly Father
hasn't been too happy with me about it.
I'm
really good at living my life as if I don't know the greatest truth that the
world can know. I live my life as if I don't have the answers to life's hardest
questions, as if I haven't been atoned for, as if I don't realize my family can
be together forever, and as if I don't have a creator of a universe
for a father. Sometimes, I walk around and forget that I am part of a Plan of
Happiness and that my prayers are answered. So many don't have what I have, and
yet, I forget to be excited and grateful about it.
How can
I? Knowing what I know, how can I not be ecstatic every single day of my
life?
It's
because I forget.
When the
Sacrament is being passed and my covenants are renewed, I forget to raise my
head and rejoice. When I open my hymnbook and the song is marked with the words
cheerfully or with enthusiasm, I forget what those things mean.
When I'm sitting in a meeting, listening to someone speak, I forget to be
excited, to recognize that the truths they teach guarantee my eternal happiness
if I allow them.
I have
the greatest gift anyone could ever be given, and I don't wake up every morning
excited about it. In that way, I'm failing.
Today,
watching Al speak, I noticed the way she smiled, the way she glowed, the way
she punctuated everything she said with "and I love it." Joy radiated
from her, and I felt so embarrassed. How could I have lived my whole life
knowing the things that I know and not be as happy as she is? And not want to
share it every single day?
This
thing, this big thing we call life, is part of a divine plan. It was created
for us to teach us, strengthen us, and save us. It was designed in a way to
allow us to be saved and saved at the side of our family members. No one is
left behind, and no one is left out. Every one of us has been carried in the
arms of a Savior who came here, not for himself, but for every individual who
has ever lived. You are living and breathing and changing because of
him. Isn't it incredible? Isn't it joyous?
Of all
of the bad and depressing news, this is the best and happiest news. And
it's eternal. Unchanging.
I know
Heavenly Father wants us to be happy about His plan, to wake up every single
day and be excited to be a part of it. This is no mediocre, meh journey. It's
salvation, eternity, happiness, and adventure. It's the Gospel.
And
sometimes, no matter how good we are at living it, we forget to do what matters
just as much: love it.
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