When We Are Kind to Each Other

Parable of the BIG Cookie

The Parable of the Big Cookie:

What I Learned about Making Assumptions at Church

-       Emily Watts | 16 Apr 2016

Here is the ridiculous and ineffective way in which I live my life: if I have treats within my reach, I eat them. I used to have the metabolism for this. No more. So I’m doing my best in this stage of my life to just avoid buying the treats in the first place.

However, I was at a day-long conference a couple of years ago and made the conscious, rational decision to have a treat with my lunch. I selected a single “big cookie,” knowing that I would consume in its entirety whatever I purchased, so the only way to limit myself to a reasonable number of calories was to buy just one item.

I ate the nutritious portion of my lunch and turned with anticipation to the cookie. Then, like an idiot, as I was unwrapping it, I started to read the nutrition information on the label. I scanned the tiny type until I found the line I was looking for: “Calories per serving: 160.” Oh, good job!

Alas, I continued reading: “Servings per container: 4.”

Are you kidding me? Who in her right mind invites her three closest friends to share her one cookie? I can’t tell you how disillusioned I was with the food industry for what seemed like an incredibly deceptive way to spin that nutrition info.

When I calmed down, it occurred to me that a person who insists on consuming large cookies probably deserves the letdown if she’s dumb enough to read the nutrition info. But it did seem as if I ought to be able to assume that one cookie would be intended to be fully consumed by one person.

This has caused me to reflect on the whole idea of the assumptions we sometimes make. They may seem logical at the time, but upon reflection many of them just don’t hold up.

For instance . . .

“No one likes me in this ward.” On what evidence would you base that assumption? “Well, they never sit by me in Relief Society.” Where do you sit? Are you always the first one there, and they file in around you and are careful to leave a wide berth? Or is it possible that you come in and sit alone instead of choosing a seat next to someone?

“I’ve blown my diet now; I might as well just give it up and eat what I want.” Maybe you had a binge today. You really can start fresh tomorrow. You don’t have to toss the whole plan just because it didn’t work out perfectly today.

“I’m too old to sky dive.” Well, that one may be true. But if you really, truly wanted to sky dive, I’ll bet you could contrive a way to do it, regardless of your age. George H. W. Bush did it to celebrate his 80th birthday, remember?

I’m just saying, if you look closely at some of your assumptions, they might turn out to be as ridiculous as the thought that you might split one cookie four ways. Try it and see.

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Happy New Year with Faith Is for the Future

Remembering Lot’s Wife: Faith Is for the Future by Elder Jeffrey R Holland 13 January 2009 https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/jeffrey-r-holland_remember-lots-wife/

The start of a new year is the traditional time to take stock of our lives and see where we are going, measured against the backdrop of where we have been. I don’t want to talk to you about New Year’s resolutions, because you only made five of them and you have already broken four. (I give that remaining one just another week.) But I do want to talk to you about the past and the future, not so much in terms of New Year’s commitments per se, but more with an eye toward any time of transition and change in your lives—and those moments come virtually every day of our lives.

As a scriptural theme for this discussion, I have chosen the second-shortest verse in all of holy scripture. I am told that the shortest verse—a verse that every missionary memorizes and holds ready in case he is called on spontaneously in a zone conference—is John 11:35: “Jesus wept.” Elders, here is a second option, another shortie that will dazzle your mission president in case you are called on two zone conferences in a row. It is Luke 17:32, where the Savior cautions, “Remember Lot’s wife.”

Hmmm. What did He mean by such an enigmatic little phrase? To find out, I suppose we need to do as He suggested. Let’s recall who Lot’s wife was.

The original story, of course, comes to us out of the days of Sodom and Gomorrah, when the Lord, having had as much as He could stand of the worst that men and women could do, told Lot and his family to flee because those cities were about to be destroyed. “Escape for thy life,” the Lord said, “look not behind thee . . . ; escape to the mountain, lest thou be consumed” (Genesis 19:17; emphasis added).

With less than immediate obedience and more than a little negotiation, Lot and his family ultimately did leave town, but just in the nick of time. The scriptures tell us what happened at daybreak the morning following their escape:

The Lord rained upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire from the Lord out of heaven;

And he overthrew those cities. [Genesis 19:24–25]

              Then our theme today comes in the next verse. Surely, surely, with the Lord’s counsel “look not behind thee” ringing clearly in her ears, Lot’s wife, the record says, “looked back,” and she was turned into a pillar of salt.

In the time we have this morning, I am not going to talk to you about the sins of Sodom and Gomorrah, nor of the comparison the Lord Himself has made to those days and our own time. I am not even going to talk about obedience and disobedience. I just want to talk to you for a few minutes about looking back and looking ahead.

One of the purposes of history is to teach us the lessons of life. George Santayana, who should be more widely read than he is on a college campus, is best known for saying, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it” (Reason in Common Sense, vol. 1 of The Life of Reason [1905–1906]).

So, if history is this important—and it surely is—what did Lot’s wife do that was so wrong? As something of a student of history, I have thought about that and offer this as a partial answer. Apparently what was wrong with Lot’s wife was that she wasn’t just looking back; in her heart she wanted to go back. It would appear that even before they were past the city limits, she was already missing what Sodom and Gomorrah had offered her. As Elder Maxwell once said, such people know they should have their primary residence in Zion, but they still hope to keep a summer cottage in Babylon (see Larry W. Gibbons, “Wherefore, Settle This in Your Hearts,” Ensign, November 2006, 102; also Neal A. Maxwell, A Wonderful Flood of Light [Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1990], 47).

It is possible that Lot’s wife looked back with resentment toward the Lord for what He was asking her to leave behind. We certainly know that Laman and Lemuel were resentful when Lehi and his family were commanded to leave Jerusalem. So it isn’t just that she looked back; she looked back longingly. In short, her attachment to the past outweighed her confidence in the future. That, apparently, was at least part of her sin.

So, as a new year starts and we try to benefit from a proper view of what has gone before, I plead with you not to dwell on days now gone, nor to yearn vainly for yesterdays, however good those yesterdays may have been. The past is to be learned from but not lived in. We look back to claim the embers from glowing experiences but not the ashes. And when we have learned what we need to learn and have brought with us the best that we have experienced, then we look ahead, we remember that faith is always pointed toward the future. Faith always has to do with blessings and truths and events that will yet be efficacious in our lives. So a more theological way to talk about Lot’s wife is to say that she did not have faith. She doubted the Lord’s ability to give her something better than she already had. Apparently she thought—fatally, as it turned out—that nothing that lay ahead could possibly be as good as those moments she was leaving behind.

It is here at this moment in this little story that we wish Lot’s wife had been a student at BYU enrolled in a freshman English class. With any luck, she might have read, as I did, this verse from Edwin Arlington Robinson:

Miniver Cheevy, child of scorn,

Grew lean while he assailed the seasons;

He wept that he was ever born

And he had reasons.

Miniver loved the days of old

When swords were bright and steeds were prancing;

The vision of a warrior bold

Would set him dancing.

Miniver sighed for what was not,

And dreamed, and rested from his labors;

He dreamed of Thebes and Camelot,

And Priam’s neighbors. . . .

Miniver cursed the commonplace

And eyed a khaki suit with loathing;

He missed the medieval grace

Of iron clothing. . . .

Miniver Cheevy, born too late,

Scratched his head and kept on thinking;

Miniver coughed, and called it fate,

And kept on drinking.

[Miniver Cheevy (1910), stanzas 1–3, 6, 8]

To yearn to go back to a world that cannot be lived in now; to be perennially dissatisfied with present circumstances and have only dismal views of the future; to miss the here-and-now-and-tomorrow because we are so trapped in the there-and-then-and-yesterday—these are some of the sins, if we may call them that, of both Lot’s wife and old Mr. Cheevy. (Now, as a passing comment, I don’t know whether Lot’s wife, like Miniver, was a drinker, but if she was, she certainly ended up with plenty of salt for her pretzels.)

One of my favorite books of the New Testament is Paul’s too-seldom-read letter to the Philippians. After reviewing the very privileged and rewarding life of his early years—his birthright, his education, his standing in the Jewish community—Paul says that all of that was nothing (“dung” he calls it) compared to his conversion to Christianity. He says, and I paraphrase: “I have stopped rhapsodizing about ‘the good old days’ and now eagerly look toward the future ‘that I may apprehend that for which Christ apprehended me.’” Then comes this verse:

This one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,

I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. [Philippians 3:13–14]

No Lot’s wife here. No looking back at Sodom and Gomorrah here. Paul knows it is out there in the future, up ahead wherever heaven is taking us where we will win “the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.”

At this point, let me pause and add a lesson that applies both in your own life and also in the lives of others. There is something in us, at least in too many of us, that particularly fails to forgive and forget earlier mistakes in life—either mistakes we ourselves have made or the mistakes of others. That is not good. It is not Christian. It stands in terrible opposition to the grandeur and majesty of the Atonement of Christ. To be tied to earlier mistakes—our own or other people’s—is the worst kind of wallowing in the past from which we are called to cease and desist.

I was told once of a young man who for many years was more or less the brunt of every joke in his school. He had some disadvantages, and it was easy for his peers to tease him. Later in his life he moved away from his community. He eventually joined the army and had some successful experiences there in getting an education and generally stepping away from his past. Above all, as many in the military do, he discovered the beauty and majesty of the Church and became very active and happy in it.

Then, after several years, he came back to the town of his youth. Most of his generation had moved on, but not all. Apparently when he returned quite successful and quite reborn, the same old mind-set that had existed before was still there, waiting for his return. To the people in his hometown he was still just old “so and so”—you remember the guy who had the problem, that idiosyncrasy, this quirky nature, and did such and such and such and such. And wasn’t it all just hilarious?

Well, you know what happened. Little by little this man’s Pauline effort to leave that which was behind and grasp the prize that God had laid before him was gradually diminished until he died about the way he had lived in his youth. He came full circle: again inactive and unhappy and the brunt of a new generation of jokes. Yet he had had that one bright, beautiful midlife moment when he had been able to rise above his past and truly see who he was and what he could become. Too bad, too sad, that he was again to be surrounded by a whole batch of Lot’s wives, those who thought his past was more interesting than his future. Yes, they managed to rip out of his grasp that for which Christ had grasped him. And he died even more sadly than Miniver Cheevy, though as far as I know the story, through absolutely no fault of his own.

That happens in marriages, too, and in other relationships we have. I can’t tell you the number of couples I have counseled who, when they are deeply hurt or even just deeply stressed, reach farther and farther into the past to find yet a bigger brick to throw through the window “pain” of their marriage. When something is over and done with, when it has been repented of as fully as it can be repented of, when life has moved on as it should and a lot of other wonderfully good things have happened since then, it is not right to go back and open up some ancient wound that the Son of God Himself died trying to heal.

Let people repent. Let people grow. Believe that people can change and improve. Is that faith? Yes! Is that hope? Yes! Is it charity? Yes! Above all, it is charity, the pure love of Christ. If something is buried in the past, leave it buried. Don’t keep going back with your little sand pail and beach shovel to dig it up, wave it around, and then throw it at someone, saying, “Hey! Do you remember this?” Splat!

Well, guess what? That is probably going to result in some ugly morsel being dug up out of your landfill with the reply, “Yeah, I remember it. Do you remember this?” Splat.

And soon enough everyone comes out of that exchange dirty and muddy and unhappy and hurt, when what God, our Father in Heaven, pleads for is cleanliness and kindness and happiness and healing.

Such dwelling on past lives, including past mistakes, is just not right! It is not the gospel of Jesus Christ. It is worse than Miniver Cheevy, and in some ways worse than Lot’s wife, because at least there he and she were only destroying themselves. In these cases of marriage and family and wards and apartments and neighborhoods, we can end up destroying so many, many others.

Perhaps at this beginning of a new year there is no greater requirement for us than to do as the Lord Himself said He does: “Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more” (D&C 58:42).

The proviso, of course, is that repentance has to be sincere, but when it is and when honest effort is being made to progress, we are guilty of the greater sin if we keep remembering and recalling and rebashing someone with their earlier mistakes—and that “someone” might be ourselves. We can be so hard on ourselves, often much more so than with others!

Now, like the Anti-Nephi-Lehies of the Book of Mormon, bury your weapons of war, and leave them buried. Forgive, and do that which is harder than to forgive: Forget. And when it comes to mind again, forget it again.

You can remember just enough to avoid repeating the mistake, but then put the rest of it all on the dung heap Paul spoke of to those Philippians. Dismiss the destructive and keep dismissing it until the beauty of the Atonement of Christ has revealed to you your bright future and the bright future of your family and your friends and your neighbors. God doesn’t care nearly as much about where you have been as He does about where you are and, with His help, where you are willing to go. That is the thing Lot’s wife didn’t get—and neither did Laman and Lemuel and a host of others in the scriptures.

This is an important matter to consider at the start of a new year—and every day ought to be the start of a new year and a new life. Such is the wonder of faith and repentance and the miracle of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

We started this hour with a little verse remembered from one of my BYU English classes. May I move toward a close with a few lines from another favorite poet whom I probably met in that same class or one similar to it. For the benefit of all BYU students in the new year of 2009, Robert Browning wrote:

Grow old along with me!

The best is yet to be,

The last of life, for which the first was made:

Our times are in His hand

Who saith, “A whole I planned,

Youth shows but half; trust God: see all, nor be afraid!”

[Rabbi Ben Ezra (1864), stanza 1]

Sister Holland and I were married about the time both of us were reading poems like that in BYU classrooms. We were as starstruck—and as fearful—as most of you are at these ages and stages of life. We had absolutely no money. Zero. For a variety of reasons, neither of our families was able to help finance our education. We had a small apartment just south of campus—the smallest we could find: two rooms and a half bath. We were both working too many hours trying to stay afloat financially, but we had no other choice.

I remember one fall day—I think it was in the first semester after our marriage in 1963—we were walking together up the hill past the Maeser Building on the sidewalk that led between the President’s Home and the Brimhall Building. Somewhere on that path we stopped and wondered what we had gotten ourselves into. Life that day seemed so overwhelming, and the undergraduate plus graduate years that we still anticipated before us seemed monumental, nearly insurmountable. Our love for each other and our commitment to the gospel were strong, but most of all the other temporal things around us seemed particularly ominous.

On a spot that I could probably still mark for you today, I turned to Pat and said something like this: “Honey, should we give up? I can get a good job and carve out a good living for us. I can do some things. I’ll be okay without a degree. Should we stop trying to tackle what right now seems so difficult to face?”

In my best reenactment of Lot’s wife, I said, in effect, “Let’s go back. Let’s go home. The future holds nothing for us.”

Then my beloved little bride did what she has done for 45 years since then. She grabbed me by the lapels and said, “We are not going back. We are not going home. The future holds everything for us.”

She stood there in the sunlight that day and gave me a real talk. I don’t recall that she quoted Paul, but there was certainly plenty in her voice that said she was committed to setting aside all that was past in order to “press toward the mark” and seize the prize of God that lay yet ahead. It was a living demonstration of faith. It was “the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen” (Hebrews 11:1). So we laughed, kept walking, and finished up sharing a root beer—one glass, two straws—at the then newly constructed Wilkinson Center.

Twenty years later I would, on occasion, look out of the window of the President’s Home across the street from the Brimhall Building and picture there on the sidewalk two newlywed BYU students, down on their money and down even more on their confidence. And as I would gaze out that window, usually at night, I would occasionally see not Pat and Jeff Holland but you and you and you, walking that same sidewalk. I would see you sometimes as couples, sometimes as a group of friends, sometimes as just a lone student. I knew something of what you were feeling. Some of you were having thoughts such as these: Is there any future for me? What does a new year or a new semester or a new major or a new romance hold for me? Will I be safe? Will life be sound? Can I trust in the Lord and in the future? Or would it be better to look back, to go back, to go home?

To all such of every generation, I call out, “Remember Lot’s wife.” Faith is for the future. Faith builds on the past but never longs to stay there. Faith trusts that God has great things in store for each of us and that Christ truly is the “high priest of good things to come.”

My young brothers and sisters, I pray you will have a wonderful semester, a wonderful new year, and a wonderful life all filled with faith and hope and charity. Keep your eyes on your dreams, however distant and far away. Live to see the miracles of repentance and forgiveness, of trust and divine love that will transform your life today, tomorrow, and forever. That is a New Year’s resolution I ask you to keep, and I leave a blessing on you—every one of you—to be able to do so and to be happy, in the name of Him who makes it all possible, even the Lord Jesus Christ, amen.

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Sunday - How to Prepare for Sacrament Meeting

Merry Christmas 2015!

Isaiah 9:6
Unto Us a Child is Born!
Unto Us a Son is Given:
and the government shall be upon his shoulder:
and his name shall be called
WONDERFUL, COUNSELLOR,
THE MIGHT GOD, THE EVERLASTING FATHER,
THE PRINCE OF PEACE.

JOY to the World Comes through Jesus Christ, Our Savior!

JOY: a condition of great happiness coming from righteous living. The purpose of mortal life is for all people to have JOY. A full JOY will come only through Jesus Christ.


And for this cause ye shall have fullness of JOY; and ye shall sit down in the kingdom of my Father; yea, your JOY shall be full, even as the Father hath given me fullness of JOY; and ye shall be even as I am, and I am even as the Father; and the Father and I are one  
- 3 Nephi 28:10

J O Y !

Keep Looking Up!

2015 First Presidency Christmas Message

          Recently, the Church has been doing much to spread the love and light of the Savior throughout the world at the start of this festive Christmas season. On Sunday, November 29th, they released two movies, "A Savior Is Born" and another showing what the world would be like without a Savior and why we need Him in our lives.

          In addition, the Church has been collaborating with YouTube stars and LDS celebrities like David Archuleta, Lindsey Stirling, Alex Boye, Jenny Oaks Baker, Peter Hollens, and the cast of Studio C to create a "12 Days of Social" countdown calendar. With so much beautiful and inspiring content, it's easier now than it ever has been before to share the message of the Savior's birth, life, death, and glorious atonement and resurrection.

          On December 4th, the First Presidency added their own witness to all of these others worldwide, sharing this 2015 Christmas message:

We find the real joy of Christmas when we make the Savior the focus of the season. We can keep Him in our thoughts and in our lives as we go about the work He would have us perform here on earth. At this time, particularly, let us follow His example as we love and serve our fellowmen.

Christmas is the spirit of giving without a thought of getting. It is happiness because we see joy in people. It is forgetting self and finding time for others. It is peace because we have found peace in the Savior’s teachings. It is the time we realize most deeply that the more love is expended, the more there is of it for others.

         

Let Us Adore Him by Dana Mario Wood. “For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given” (Isaiah 9:6). The Wise Men who traveled long distances to see the divine Child, whose birth had been long foretold, crossed physical and social barriers to “come . . . adore him” (Hymns, no. 202). Wood’s title is an invitation for all to come and adore the Savior, the Redeemer of the world. Said Wood, “This piece marks my awe of the faith of early followers who heralded Christ’s birth and traveled a great distance by faith.” Painting appears in the “Tell Me the Stories of Jesus” online exhibit for the 10th International Art Competition. Photo courtesy Church History Museum.

As the Christmas season envelops us with all its glory, may we, as did the Wise Men, seek a bright, particular star to guide us to our Christmas opportunity in service to our fellowman. May we all make the journey to Bethlehem in spirit, taking with us a tender, caring heart as our gift to the Savior. And may one and all have a joy-filled Christmas.

         

Lead image from LDS.org. We Are Come to Worship Him by Meagan Ruth Getz. The story of the Magi is one of absolute faith. Their journey to first identify and then follow the star—a sign from God testifying of the birth of the Savior—attests to their spiritual sensitivity. Led by the Spirit, they completed their arduous journey. While their identity is not known, their witness of the birth of the Messiah makes clear their holy and prophetic mission. Painting appears in the “Tell Me the Stories of Jesus” online exhibit for the 10th International Art Competition. Photo courtesy Church History Museum.

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Prayerfully select mentors who have your spiritual well-being at heart. Be careful about taking advice from your peers. If you want more than you now have, reach UP, not across! - Robert D Hales

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Elder Richard G Scott Dies at Age 86

Another beloved servant of God passes away in 2015.

You will be missed, Elder Scott, but not forgotten. Wisdom and great insight from you have touched our hearts. For instance:

"Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously. When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience, they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow more. He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding, and compassion which polish you for your everlasting benefit."

Choose Obedience

How to Manage Your Interaction(s) with Mormon Missionaries

How to Manage Mormon Missionaries

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mette-ivie-harrison/how-to-manage-mormon-missionaries_b_8032206.html

Mormon missionaries have become so much of a cultural joke that there is a Broadway musical about them. Everyone knows what Mormon missionaries look like: classic dark suits with white shirts and ties, and that iconic name badge with "Elder Last Name" or "Sister Last Name" and the full name of the Mormon church: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Mormon missionaries are always trying to get you to take a copy of The Book of Mormon and to tell you about their crazy cult, right? They just want to get you baptized so you count toward their points to heaven. And so the only thing to do is to close the door in their faces or run away and hide. If you don't, they're sure to bore you for the next three hours talking about Joseph Smith, their special bible, and getting married in their secret temple ceremonies.

I know all the clichés. We Mormons sometimes make fun of them ourselves. But as a mother whose daughter recently returned from the Houston, Texas mission, I've found that I have new insights about what is the best thing to do in various situations.

A few facts about missionaries that might help you understand who they are and why they do what they do:

1. Male Mormon missionaries are usually between the ages of 18 and 20, sister missionaries between the ages of 19 and 21. That's pretty young. The older I get, the younger it seems. These are practically babies out there. They're barely out of high school.

2. Many Mormon missionaries fund their mission from their own savings, sometimes with the help of their parents, sometimes with the help of the church as a whole. They save their whole lives to go on a mission. When other teens are saving money to buy clothes, a car, or for college, many Mormon teens are instead saving to go on a mission.

3. Missionaries are supposed to live on a fairly strict budget during their mission. With this money, they buy their own clothing and food, have a limited number of miles they can use if they have access to a car, and often have no money/miles at the end of the month for food.

4. Mormon missionaries are only supposed to do work related to their mission except on "P-day" (once a week they have a preparation day where they can dress down a bit and do laundry, but they still have a lot of rules they're following). They really can't just sit down at a restaurant to go to lunch unless they're teaching the gospel. They can't go to movies or other entertainment.

5. Mormon missionaries aren't supposed to talk to family and friends basically for the course of their entire mission. For sisters, that's 18 months; for elders, it's two years. That's a long time for kids this age to go without family contact. They can email once a week only. And they get to Skype or make a phone call on Christmas and Mother's Day. That's it. They can be very lonely and crave some kind of positive human contact.

6. Mormon missionaries have VERY little training in theology or religion. Since they're only high school graduates, you can imagine. Sure, they've been in Sunday school all their lives and they've taken a four year course in high school called "Seminary" (most of them). They also spend a few weeks at a Missionary Training Center (MTC) where they are taught the basic lessons to offer investigators. They're not interested in sparring with people about religious history or doctrine.

7. Hundreds of Mormon missionaries are watched over by a Mission President and his wife, kind of a mission "Mom" and "Dad," who watch over them, call them to talk about problems, and enforce a lot of the strictest rules in hopes of preventing the biggest problems they see happening (the elders and sisters dating, for instance, is a big no-no).

8. No one physically forces someone to go on a mission, but there is a lot of cultural pressure to go, especially for young men. Not every Mormon missionary is gung-ho and some are suffering with real mental illnesses, diagnosed or undiagnosed. Young men who don't go or go home early suffer stigmas for the rest of their lives. This is real and not something I'm particularly proud of when it comes to Mormonism.

9. Mormon missionaries are supposed to be with their companions. All the time. Every day. They can't go anywhere without their companion. Yes, I'm serious about this. When my daughter came home, it took her weeks to get used to the idea that she could go places on her own.

10. Mormon missionaries often eat only at the homes of members or those who invite them over to teach. This means they are often at the whim of other people's tastes. It can be very difficult for picky eaters or for anyone who wants to eat healthy.

This may sound like a horrible situation to be in, but compare it to Boot Camp if you're joining the army. There are a lot of similarities. Mormon missionaries are doing something very difficult for an extended period of time. They have given up a lot of their choices and are told that they will be blessed by God for doing so.

Some missionaries come home and say it was "the best two years" of their life. Many don't. Some leave the church after a difficult mission. Some really grow up and go on to lead more productive lives. Missionaries are not all the same, despite the fact that they look the same to outsiders.

If you truly do NOT want to listen to any lessons about Mormonism, here are some suggestions:

1. Don't say that you're not available right now, but that you'd love to listen if they'd come back at a later time. This happens to all missionaries and you're probably just trying to avoid being rude, but missionaries are absurdly hopeful and they will keep coming back for quite a while.

2. Instead say that you're not interested. Say it kindly and politely, but be honest. Say you already have your own church you're happy with. Say you don't believe in God. Say you don't like organized religion. (I don't recommend saying that you know that Mormons are polygamous and you don't want to join a cult--the missionaries will feel obliged to correct you about this.)

3. Don't make an appointment with a missionary at a time when you know you will not be home. This may seem like an easy way to get out of having to tell them you're not interested, but it's rude. Missionaries always follow up on appointments and sometimes they will either walk or bike to your house and find you not there. Then they will have to call and hound you to find out why. It's just easier to say no to begin with.

4. If you're curious about Mormonism, but have no interest in joining, you can be honest and upfront about this as well. Missionaries can decide for themselves then if they have time just trying to build goodwill with non-members rather than trying to find someone who might be more genuinely interested in joining.

5. More and more, missionaries are encouraged to make appointments as much as possible and do less street "tracting," which has been proven statistically to be less effective. This means that if you have a Mormon friend who has asked if you'd like to hear more about the gospel, it's likely they will have you meet missionaries in their home rather than teaching you about it themselves. "Every member a missionary" is a common phrase in Mormonism. Some Mormons are more fervent in their attention to this duty than others.

6. If you've had lessons from the missionaries and are not interested in more, again, please be up front about this. The missionaries will be sad, but it's better than them spending hours over the next few months trying to follow up.

7. You may feel like it's best to confront missionaries with the "truth" about Mormonism, telling them about Joseph Smith's multiple wives, or other horrible things you've heard about the church. You may think that you're being kind to them by helping them get out of the "cult" they're caught in. I really don't think this is helpful. Most missionaries have grown a pretty thick skin about anti-Mormon stuff and won't listen to you at all. You can find members who are more willing and able to deal with walking you through some of the messy parts of the church's past.

Of course, you have no obligation to help out Mormon missionaries you see. But if you worry about them, here are some things you can do to show kindness without suggesting that you want to hear a spiritual message:

1. Offer a drink of water, especially in the summer time. (They can't have iced tea or coffee, however. Some will refuse a Coke because it has caffeine, but other soft drinks should be fine.)

2. Smile and give some words of encouragement.

3. Watch out for them or give them some words of warning if you feel that it is necessary and they are, for instance, going into a dangerous neighborhood.

4. Ask them about genealogy. Even if you're not interested in hearing about the "gospel," missionaries can and will show you how to use the Mormon church's genealogical resources, which are huge. It counts as missionary work even if you're just researching your family history.

5. You can offer to give them a ride somewhere if you see them walking. Especially if it's the end of the month and they're going a long distance, they may not be allowed to use their car if they've already gone too many miles in it.

I am so grateful for people who treated my daughter well and looked out for her on her mission, non-Mormon and Mormon alike. I don't particularly care how many people she converted to Mormonism. The experience was a wonderful one for her, and I think it made her more optimistic about humanity, more comfortable in her own skin, more confident talking to strangers, and it gave her a pool of friends who have shared the same experience and whom she will never forget. That's what I'd like for all Mormon missionaries out there. If you're a non-member, you don't have to spend hours with missionaries to be kind to them. And if you feel they are an annoyance, I hope I've given some useful hints about how to deal with them in a kind way without offering false hopes.