Wednesday, April 29, 2015
Saturday, April 25, 2015
Family Habits
24 Apr 2015
As Latter-day Saints, it
can be easy to get caught up and let life happen instead of taking control of
our days. Here are 5 habits LDS families might have—and why they should stop
doing them right now.
1. Thinking that preparing and eating food is the goal at mealtime
Sometimes
we slip into thinking that our need for nutrition is the objective of preparing
and eating food. We grab breakfast, if at all, on the run. We eat lunch over
work or alone to escape the hustle and bustle. We eat dinner in haste or
whenever we are able.
Eating
meals together during the week has all but disappeared in our society.
President Ezra Taft Benson taught that “mealtime provides a wonderful time to
review the activities of the day and to not only feed the body, but to feed the
spirit as well” (“Strengthening the Family,” Improvement Era, Dec. 1970, 51).
Barbara
B. Smith, former general president of the Relief Society, said, “Let us make
our kitchens creative centers from which emanate some of the most delightful of
all home experiences” (Ensign, “Follow Joyously,” Nov. 1980, 86). May I suggest that preparing and
consuming food ought to be done with family relationships in mind, from start
to finish. Children can help make a salad, butter the French bread, set the
table, or stir a pot. Food preparation is an excellent time to talk to each
other. The time we use to prepare food can and should be a family affair
because preparing and eating food is not the primary objective of mealtime.
Building relationships and fostering love is.
2. Having fuzzy rules and expectations
There is
sometimes a tendency for families to be cautious or even fearful about creating
restrictions, rules, and expectations. On one hand, you don’t want to stifle
creativity or prohibit growth by having too many limits. On the other hand,
some people can be afraid that if they institute rules family members don’t
like, then those family members will rebel against the rules.
We live
by daily traffic laws, city ordinances, rules, expectations, and commandments.
They are a part of life! They bring order to a world that would be chaos
without them. Think about it! No parent would take their child to the top of a
10-story building and turn them loose to discover the law of gravity on their
own.
Wise
families will not have too many rules but will always have clearly defined
boundaries which revolve around the commandments of a loving Heavenly Father.
People, young and old, need to know their family loves them. They need to know
that love gives guidance and expectations which will bless them, even if they
may not like the rule.
David O
McKay once taught: “Parents who fail to teach obedience to their children,
if [their] homes do not develop obedience, society will demand it and get it.
It is therefore better for the home, with its kindliness, sympathy and
understanding to train the child in obedience rather than callously to leave
him to the brutal and unsympathetic discipline that society will impose if the
home has not already fulfilled its obligation” ("The Responsibility of Parents
to Their Children," p. 3).
Make
rules and boundaries crystal clear and always consistent. Adjust them as family
members demonstrate their ability to choose the right on their own.
3. Thinking that ‘quality time’ with the family is the goal
Sometimes
families can get sucked into thinking that ‘quality’ time somehow excuses us
from being too busy to pay attention to each other. They will find themselves
saying “let’s go have some ‘quality time’” by doing some exotic or fun thing
once in a while. While there is a place for “special time” and “memory making”
in our children’s lives, “quantity time” trumps those moments we sometimes call
“quality time.” President Uchtdorf taught, “We build deep and loving family
relationships by doing simple things together, like family dinner and family
home evening and by just having fun together. In family relationships, love is
really spelled t-i-m-e, time. Taking time for each other is the key for harmony
at home. We talk with, rather than about, each other. We learn from each other,
and we appreciate our differences as well as our commonalities. We establish a
divine bond with each other as we approach God together through family prayer,
gospel study, and Sunday worship” (Ensign, "Of Things That Matter Most," November 2010).
Busy
lives make it difficult to make “quantity time” the main goal. Doing our best
to take the time to walk, talk, play, and be with our family doing small and
simple things will always pay important dividends. Infrequent and exotic “big”
moments may make us feel better and may give the children a memory or two, but
in the end, it’s the accumulation of frequent moments doing simple and fun
things which will pay the biggest dividends.
4. Enabling Our Children to Avoid Work
In our
desire to give our children things we didn’t have, we can enable our children
to avoid the need to work. We rationalize that because homework, sports, music
lessons, and other outside demands take so much of their time, we should go
soft in requiring our children to work.
Elder
Marvin J. Ashton taught, “‘In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread’ is
not outdated counsel. It is basic to personal welfare. One of the greatest
favors parents can do for their children is to teach them to work. Much has
been said over the years about children and monthly allowances, and opinions
and recommendations vary greatly. I’m from the ‘old school’. I believe children
should earn their money needs through service and appropriate chores. Some
financial rewards to children may also be tied to educational effort and the
accomplishment of other worthwhile goals. I think it is unfortunate for a child
to grow up in a home where the seed is planted in the child’s mind that there
is a family money tree that automatically drops ‘green stuff’ once a week or
once a month” (One for the Money, 8).
Helping
our children understand that work is important to their development will bless
them. In For The Strength of Youth, your teens are reminded “Work is
honorable. Developing the capacity to work will help you contribute to the
world in which you live. It will bless you and your family, both now and in the
future.
“Learning
to work begins in the home. Help your family by willingly participating in the
work necessary to maintain a home. . . . Set high goals for yourself, and be
willing to work hard to achieve them” (For
the Strength of Youth, 40-41).
5.
Being too casual in our gospel living
Being
too casual in our gospel living can be costly. Elder Holland once taught “I
truly believe there can be no casual Christians, for if we are not watchful and
resolute, we will become in the heat of battle a Christian ‘casualty’” (BYU
Speeches, The
Bitter Cup and the Bloody Baptism, Jan. 13, 1987).
Elder
Richard L. Evans reminded us “Sometimes some parents mistakenly feel that they
can relax a little as to conduct and conformity or take perhaps a so-called
liberal view of basic and fundamental things—thinking that a little laxness or
indulgence won’t matter—or they may fail to teach or to attend Church, or may
voice critical views. Some parents … seem to feel that they can ease up a
little on the fundamentals without affecting their family or their family’s
future. However, if a parent goes a little off course, the children are likely
to exceed the parent’s example” (Conference Report, Oct. 1964, 135–36).
If
families develop the habit of casual living or become even slightly cynical in
their observance of the commandments, there will certainly be a heavy price to
pay. Elder Holland explains, “Parents simply cannot flirt with skepticism or
cynicism, then be surprised when their children expand that flirtation into
full-blown romance. If in matters of faith and belief children are at risk of
being swept downstream by this intellectual current or that cultural rapid, we
as their parents must be more certain than ever to hold to anchored,
unmistakable moorings clearly recognizable to those of our own household. It
won’t help anyone if we go over the edge with them, explaining through the roar
of the falls all the way down that we really did know the Church was true” (Ensign,
"A
Prayer for the Children," May 2003).
Saturday, April 18, 2015
Improving Temple Experience
A few weeks ago, I had a very
mediocre temple visit. I was stressed about all of the things on my “to do”
list, and had a nasty headache, so needless to say, by the time I went inside,
I felt frazzled. I drummed my fingers impatiently on my armrest, and when the
session ended, zipped out as fast as I could. It wasn’t until I was in my car
driving home that the remorse set in and I realized that I had spiritually
wasted my trip.
I’ve tried to make a habit of going
to the temple weekly, but every once in a while, I’ll have a week when my visit
feels lackluster. I’ve realized that attending the temple is a lot like
fasting, in that being inside and involved requires us to make certain
sacrifices. Instead of giving up food, we give up time, which can sometimes be
difficult. Also like fasting, attending the temple can be less fulfilling when
we have the wrong attitude about it. Temple attendance, however, can be an
edifying experience that blesses both the person doing the ordinances and the person
we are doing them for.
In order to truly appreciate the
spirit of the temple as well as the covenants we make there, we need to go into
it prepared and, while inside, be more involved with the experience. With a
greater effort on our part, our temple trips can be more consistently
inspiring. Here are a few things you can do to improve your temple experience.
1. Clear your schedule of as many things as possible before going.
Though many of us try to make the
temple a priority, sometimes we can go to the temple haphazardly, throwing it
into our already busy schedules as if it’s merely a task to be done instead of
a chance to give ourselves to the Lord. Sandwiched between things we need to
accomplish, our temple trips can be made with too much haste, and we can be too
distracted while inside.
One thing that helps me focus better
in the temple is completing as many errands as possible before going in, even
if it puts my temple opportunity at the end of the day. Without the weight of
everything I have to do on my mind, I can truly put the Lord first while in His
house.
Sometimes squeezing a temple trip
into a busy day really is the only way to get ourselves there. If so, we should
consciously decide to leave our mental “to do” lists outside so as to get a
more focused and gratifying experience inside.
2. Take a family name.
I once had an Institute teacher tell
me that going to the temple without taking your own family name is a lot like
getting baptized without the gift of confirmation. Your experience will still
be a great one, but it will be missing a key element that really completes it.
That comment has really stuck with me, and I’ve found it to be true for my own
temple experience.
Ask your relatives if they have
names that you can take, or learn how to find one yourself on familysearch.org.
Taking a family name, particularly one that I’ve found myself, gives me an
increased awareness and feeling of the Spirit of Elijah. It really personalizes
each ordinance when I realize that I’m connecting members of my family to the
rest of my family for eternity. It also helps me to remember the “why” of the
temple.
Taking family names has changed my
temple experience, and I know it will do the same for you. You’ll feel an
increased love for your own family and an increased gratitude for the Plan of
Salvation and your part in it.
3. Pray beforehand and with purpose.
It makes so much sense to pray
before attending the temple, but we often don’t even think to do it. The truth
is that without prayer, our temple experience may not have a whole lot of
direction, and direction is a key component of fulfillment.
Before going to the temple, pray
that the person who you are standing proxy for will accept the work you do for
them. It’s easy to forget that even though we’re doing proxy work for other
people, they still have the agency to say no. Let Heavenly Father know that you
care about their spiritual well-being. When you pray for them, just like when
you pray for friends and neighbors, you’ll come to love them and appreciate
being there to do ordinances for them.
Also pray also for answers to life’s
questions or for strength when you’re struggling. Around the time I was
endowed, I was battling severe and crippling anxiety. I had never dealt with
anything like it before, and I was terrified. I distinctly remember preparing
to go to the temple a second time and pleading with Heavenly Father for comfort
to know that I was making the right decisions in my life and that I would get
over my anxiety. As I sat through that second session, I was overcome by the
sweetest peace I have ever felt. In the midst of all of my heartache and pain,
I felt joy. You will be okay,
kept running through my mind, and I believed it. It took me a while longer to
really feel okay, but I got my answer in the temple that day. Since then I’ve
gone to the temple with a purpose and a prayer—and both always leave me feeling
better about my temple visit.
4. Take care of your physical needs prior to attending.
Attending the temple is a commitment,
and just like any other commitment, it’s best made when we are at our best.
That means that we should prepare both spiritually and physically before going
inside.
If you’re like me and you sometimes
get headaches at random or have other physical issues, prepare yourself with
proper medication so you’re not hurting during a session. Make sure to drink
lots of water and eat good foods before going inside if you become weak without
those things. Try exercising (when possible) before going inside so that your
mind is refreshed and invigorated. Even making sure to use the restroom before
you enter a session can make a big difference in helping you stay focused on
the ordinances you are participating in. Being physically healthy and prepared
beforehand will make your temple experience more comfortable and will prepare
your mind for revelation Heavenly Father might want to bestow upon you.
5. Read scriptures at the end of your time in the temple.
Chances are that no matter which
temple you attend, there are lots of copies of the scriptures available to you
before you begin doing ordinances and also when you are finished. I’ve read
scriptures while waiting for a session to start, and it’s a great way to pass
the time. What I didn’t think to do until recently was read scriptures after my
session. Wow, was that an incredible experience.
After completing a temple ordinance,
our minds are naturally more receptive to the Spirit and insights we might not
have had before. When we read our scriptures after we finish the ordinances
instead of before, we read them with increased spiritual sensitivity and a
unique focus. The temple is one of the best places we can be spiritually in
tune to receive insight and revelation, but too often we walk out of the temple
without even touching the scriptures.
Try reading them! See what answers
and insights flow into your mind after making sacred covenants. You might get
the exact inspiration you need in your life just by opening them.
6. Remember.
After my lackluster trip to the
temple, I was talking with my mom about how long it felt, how repetitive it
was, and how awful I felt for thinking that. What she told me really humbled
me. She said, “Remember that the person you are there doing work for has not
experienced temple ordinances before, and they’ve been waiting an even longer
time to have them.” It’s both a true and remarkable thought.
Many of us have gotten into the
habit of attending the temple regularly, which is a great thing, but sometimes
we allow it to become just a habit, something we do all the time, like brushing
our teeth. We risk growing complacent with our temple experience and covenants
rather than being excited to be there every time. When we remember that it is a
new experience for someone else, we can recognize the beauty and power of the
temple, the remarkable gift of covenants, and that temple attendance is much
more about becoming than it is about doing.
Our temple experience is further
enriched when we always remember how we felt the first time we went through,
how remarkable the promises were to us, how serious we took them and how
careful we were to live up to them afterward. If we always remember those
things, attending the temple will always be rewarding.
And, as my mom said, if we ever get
a bit selfish with our time and impatient about our temple experience
because our schedules just seem too busy, we should remember that some of our
brothers and sisters have been waiting dozens to hundreds of years for someone
to spend two hours doing their work for them. In those two hours,
eternity is made possible for every one of us. It would be a shame for us
to not recognize the gift that is.
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
What Mormons Believe about Grace
What Mormons
Believe about Grace
In her new book, Amazed
by Grace,
Sheri Dew talks about the enabling power of grace and how we have constant
access to it. She writes:
"When the Apostle Paul said, 'I
can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me,' he was describing
grace." She goes on later to say that "the flow of divine help is
continuous, everywhere present, waiting for us to seek help."
Illustrating this point with an
analogy, she explains, "We shouldn’t treat or think about the Lord as we
sometimes do about our visiting or home teachers when we’re ill and could use
some help—we have to let them in to help us until we can solve our problems or
clean the house first. If we think we have to conquer a bad habit or an
addiction by ourselves, before we seek help, we most likely don’t understand
grace."
However, when we do understand grace
and are working daily to change ourselves and become better, Sister Dew assures
us that "Jesus Christ endured and completed His eternal, infinite
Atonement so that you and I could change. So that we wouldn’t be tripped up by
our sins or nagging weaknesses and doomed eternally. So that we wouldn’t have
to pay for our sins forever, the price of which none of us has the capacity to
pay. So that we could keep learning and practicing being Saints—realizing that
practice always involves mistakes. The Lord has made it clear that no unclean
thing can dwell with Him, but it is equally clear that no unclean person,
meaning no unchanged person, will even want to.”
But,
Sister Dew reminds us, Christ's grace is not a one-time deal.
"Nonetheless, the Lord is not saving up His grace or power for one
dramatic display at the Final Judgment, nor is grace something that kicks in at
the end of an ordeal. It is there from the moment we exercise even a
'particle of faith' and ask for His help."
Friday, April 3, 2015
8 Things the Atonement is Not
http://ldsliving.com/story/78498-8-things-the-atonement-is-not?utm_source=ldsliving&utm_medium=email
As
much as we study Christ’s Atonement, we can never comprehend it entirely. But
as we try to understand what it is—and isn’t—we can come to understand how it
applies more fully in our everyday lives.
All my life I thought Big Ben was a
famous clock tower in London. I was absolutely sure of it and had even taught
that fact to others. Then I went to London and found out that Big Ben is
actually the nickname of the largest bell inside the tower, which is now called
the Elizabeth Tower in honor of the Diamond Jubilee of Queen Elizabeth II. And
if we are going to get picky, it’s not even officially in London, but rather in
Westminster. In that moment, the bell and the tower had not changed, but my
understanding certainly did.
In the same way, we sometimes go
through our entire lives thinking we understand the Atonement—the central
doctrine of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints—and then suddenly
we have an experience that helps us see it in a new light. The doctrine has not
changed, but our understanding has deepened. These moments of insight help us
appreciate and value the Atonement more and more. Here are a few “Big Ben”
realizations about the Atonement that have made a difference to me:
1. The Atonement is not just about immortality and
eternal life but about not having one without the other.
Living forever may not be such a
great gift without the possibility of living with God and loved ones. When my
daughter Whitney was in elementary school, she read Tuck Everlasting—a
wonderful novel that tells the story of a fictional family finding the fountain
of youth, drinking, and then discovering that living forever is not all it’s
cracked up to be.
One night while I was putting
Whitney to bed, she asked, “Dad, you know how you say because of Jesus we will
live forever? Well what if I don’t want to?” What joy I felt as I was able to
testify to my young daughter that immortality is only part of Jesus’ great
gift. It is coupled with the possibility of eternal families and eternal
purpose.
2. The Atonement is not just about sins but also
struggles.
Even though many of our challenges
do not make us unworthy, they can still pull us from God. How often do we raise
angry fists toward heaven and cry, “Why me?” instead of humbly reaching out to
God and Christ?
Christ descended below all
things. This includes our mistakes, loneliness, and afflictions. Christ’s
Atonement qualifies Him to be able to succor us in desperate moments because He
has literally felt our pains.
3. The Atonement is not just about receiving but
also giving.
Great perspective awaits those who
are willing to see that as we choose to accept and use this gift, we also bring
joy and glory to God. Sometimes we mistakenly believe God and Jesus already
have everything, but they don’t have you or me until we consciously give
ourselves to them.
As we freely offer our hearts and
wills, we can bring Them great joy. I find purpose and satisfaction in knowing
that in this small and simple way, I have something to give Them.
Without us, the blessed emblems of
the sacrament would simply sit in trays each Sunday. It is up to us to pick
them up and internalize them. As we do so, we are not just receiving, we are
also giving.
4. The Atonement is not just about earning but also
learning.
Our faith, repentance, covenants,
and efforts to receive the Holy Ghost and endure to the end are not works
performed to earn salvation. Rather, they are how Christ is transforming us. He
asks us to follow Him and keep His commandments, not to earn our way to heaven
but to become more heavenly.
We chose to enter this mortal school
because we knew that through the Atonement, not only could we go home but we
could also be better for having come.
5. The Atonement is not just about immediate
perfection but also eventual perfection.
Justice requires immediate
perfection or a punishment if that perfection is not attained. Because Christ
took that punishment for us, He can now provide a different arrangement. He
calls for eventual perfection and offers to support us throughout the process.
We don’t go to church and partake of the sacrament because we are perfect but
because we are willing to be perfected. We don’t go to the temple because we
have made it, but because within those walls God and Christ are making us more
like Them. They could change us in an instant, but strength so easily attained
is not strength at all. This is why, as Christ and Heavenly Father
change us from human to divine, They typically do it the same way that a child
learns to walk—over time. Time is the medium through which the power of the
Atonement is made manifest in our lives.
Enduring to the end doesn’t just
mean to the end of the week, month, year, or even the end of this life.
Enduring to the end means enduring to our ultimate end— becoming more
like God and Jesus.
6. The Atonement is not just a reward for the
righteous but the source of righteousness.
Grace is the divine help and
enabling power that is available throughout the entire perfecting process.
Christ stands ready to forgive, but also ready to mentor, strengthen, and
empower us.
These gifts are not a reward waiting
for us once we get our acts together, break all our bad habits, and become
worthy of His help. They are an unearned and undeserved gift throughout our
quest. We must be careful not to see Christ’s grace as somehow supplementing
our works or our works as somehow supplementing Christ’s grace, as if we have
to meet some sort of minimum height requirement to get into heaven. It is not
about height. It is about growth.
We do not reach heaven by
supplementing but by covenanting. A covenant represents a warm relationship
between two friends who are working together toward the same end. Instead of
speaking of His part and my part, I try to speak more of His heart and my heart
loving and reflecting one another.
7. The Atonement is not because we are good but
because God and Christ are good.
They love us not because we are
always loveable, but because They are always loving. Understanding this helps
us feel Their love even when we don’t see any reason to love ourselves. “I’ll
never do it again,” we say. Then we do it. “Now I really mean it. I will never
do it again.” And then we do it. At such low moments, it is easy to become
discouraged and lose hope. We have such a hard time forgiving ourselves that we
mistakenly believe God and Christ must be feeling the same way. We think each
setback is devastating, but God and Christ simply recognize them as growing
pains.
Jesus suffered for our sins—plural.
That means multiple sins, but that also means multiple times we commit the same
sin as we learn how to break bad habits once and for all. “Never again” may be
the ultimate goal, but in the meantime we can set more realistic milestones to
reach along the way. Each time we repent and start again, we are one step
closer to our ultimate goal—usually much closer than we think. The love of God
and Jesus is perfect—offered consistently through our moments of great success
or utter failure. Although we often want to give up on ourselves, God and Jesus
will never give up on us. Their hearts simply cannot and will not let go.
8. The Atonement is not just the best way but the
only way.
Christ is not just one of several
possible correct answers on a multiple choice exam. He is the only correct
answer. In today’s world, it is not popular or politically correct to speak of
absolutes. Some claim truth is relative and constructed by each person
individually. They don’t want to abandon sin and get comfortable with God.
Rather, they wish to abandon God and get comfortable with sin. None of this
changes Christ’s reality and their absolute dependence on Him.
As Latter-day Saints, we know Christ
and His Atonement are the source of all spiritual blessings. As King Benjamin
taught, “There shall be no other name given nor any other way nor means whereby
salvation can come unto the children of men, only in and through the name of
Christ” (Mosiah 3:17).
Thursday, April 2, 2015
General Conference Makes Me 'Happy'!
It might seem crazy what I'm about to say
Sunshine she's here, you can take a break
I'm a hot air balloon that could go to space
With the air, like I don't care, baby the way
Because I'm happy
Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof
Because I'm happy
Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth
Because I'm happy
Clap along if you know what happiness is to you
Because I'm happy
Clap along if you feel like that's what you wanna do
Here come bad news talking this and that, yeah
Well, give me all you got, don't hold it back, yeah
Well, I should probably warn you I'll be just fine, yeah
No offense to you, don't waste your time
Here's why
Because I'm happy
Clap along....
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